The man in hanbok carefully poured hot water into the teacup and then started to mix it into the matcha with a brush. His movements were free yet subtle and mindful. But as I sat in the corner with the mike in my hand waiting to translate the steps of the tea ceremony, I could only feel myself becoming increasingly impatient and agitated. Thoughts like 'God, this is taking so long', 'what's the point of going so slow if the end result is just to make the tea?', 'That peaceful expression is just a facade. Everyone knows how we Koreans want to get everything done as quickly as possible' swarmed through my head.
But as we bowed heads to each other to say our farewells, his sincere sense of gratitude flowed through my heart, and hit me with a piercing realization : My state of mind when translating exactly reflected the mindset I was applying to my life and acting career. In other words, with a strictly result oriented mind set, I was losing track of and unable to enjoy the process of the here and now which consequently made me anxious and unhappy.
Having an infinite amount of trust in the process sounds like a simple thing, yet it is something that I constantly need to remind myself of and practice. And sure enough, a lot of things that I experience and witness this month seem to gently remind me of that truth. Every time I go to the Shakespeare Forum I witness fellow actors receiving feedback, taking a risk to discover new things and to find layers and depth, all engaged and committed to the process. It is utterly touching, fascinating and uplifting to watch, being reminded that my fellow artists trust and go through the process just like I do. Or the time I went to Marianne's showcase after her first stand up comedy class and reveled in the bravery of people standing up there and working their material, never mind how laugh out funny it was.
I was talking about this mindset of honoring and trusting the process and living in it with Soyoung unni, and she talked about how this mindset clears you of any kind of desperation or anxiety which makes space for new opportunities and people to come into your life. I really like that expression. It will take constant practice, but I hope to keep on trusting the process, let go of the illusion of perfection, keep taking risks and most important of all, enjoy whatever comes with an open and grateful heart.
The journey is the destination.
